Sunday, April 13, 2008


Chic: (calls Guy ): "Hello... Sasa Jamo.. its Sato bana.. si we do somenyama .. ?"Guy: Thinking he will get some that night quickly agrees... " about Buffet Park....Shall I pick u at 2 ..?"Chic: "Sawa.. laterz."(Guy amukas from Friday's hengies, showers, puts onjeans and polo shirt, pockets a pack of condoms, thendrives to the Chics crib...)So at 2-ish they drive into Buffet park and pitia thebutchery to order the nyaks.Guy (to Chic): So what do u want to have .. ?Chic: just anything...(aki these women are just thick at times... sasa hiyoni jibu gani ..?)Guy (to butcher): Weka hizo mbavu, kilo moja na nusu, choma, ...ikuje nakachum... (chic interrupts Guy.. !)Chic: Apana.. eeiishh..! ..Si you know I don't eat goat meat..!Guy: (thinks to himself..."Really..!... then why didn't you say so in thefirst place, nugu hii") (To Chic) .. How about beef then..?Chic: Its ok so long as it is not fat and not the legs. I dont likemathunya...( Guy looks away and rolls eyes up .. thinks to himself..."atifat,you are already carrying a 40 kilo MATAKO, surely ... 2 grams of fat arenegligible..")Guy: (to an already impatient butcher) basi si unitafutie ngombe hainamafuta. (butcher chucks a ki-nice piece from the hangers hapo nyuma andholds it up for Guy to see)Guy: "Weka hiyo nione...(as the butcher is weighing it on the scale... theChic points at a small..... very very small piece of fat on the meat)Chic: "Hiyo iko na mafuta mingi sana , tuonyeshe ingine,Butcher curses ....under his breath. Other hungry buyers who are waiting hapo kando start tocurse . Guy feels like he should just have ordered fish fry from those fatjang'o women they pitad on their way in. Chic points at a fresh carcass ofmeat ... somewhere near where the meat is hanging from such that isimpossible to extract a piece without the entire carcass falling down on thefloor.Chic: "Kata pale.. ...."Butcher: "Hapo haiwezekani mama .. kula hii ndio fiti ..(butcher attempts toreturn the piece back on the scale)Chic: "Apana..!.. Hauna nyama hakuna zingine kwa store..."Guy: (to Chic) " Eeh ..lets do this... let him fry that one, I will eat themathunya pieces ama... ?"Chic: "OK"Guy: (to butcher) "Fanya iwe fry na uweke nyanya, dhania naspinach.Ongezaugali mbili..."Chic: .. "Ugali..? me I dont want ugg..Dont they have Chipos..?"Chic: (to butcher) "Leta na ugali moja na chips mbili..."Guy: ( thinks to himself... no wonder her butt is 40Kgs.. sasa u avoidanimal fat then u kula half a gunia of chipoz .. talk about nyani haonikundule ..)Butcher: "KAMAU...!!! Oya nyama ino..! furae, na wikire nyanya, dhaniana spinashi... ndugekire waaru..(butcher pins the meat with a tag and tossesit to kamau in the kitchen behind him)Butcher: "Sawa... shika resiti .. namba yako ni 53 ... Itachukwa ithaa moja...."Guy pays the butcher and chukuwas the receipt and tag..So we enter the openspace of the club and sit down. Waiter comes,Guy orders his cold Tusker,Chic orders her malt. We kunywa kidogo.. storoz panda.... then there is thismama who pitaz a tray of oil oozing samosas, sausages and mshikakis..Chic: "Wewe ..psst ppstt.. nipe samosa mbili na hiyo nini ..."Guy: (shocked).. "Haiya, si u wait for the meat.."Chic: "I will still kula the meat..."Guy: ok (and she proceeds to kula 3 samoz and 3 mshikakis)One hour 20 minutes later .. the Waiter comes round with maji moto forwashing hands.. we wash our hands and the the meat checks in with the chiposand the Ugali all hot steaming and looking nice.... "Bonne Appetit"..! ..Karibu Nyama " ... Guy invites the Chic and thinks to himself.. now she willreally shiba... LAKINI WAPI..! Yaani after all that shiet, she just henpecks about the platter of meat here and there BUT proceeds to maliza the 2plates of chipoz having eaten only 3 pieces of nyama. As if that is NOTENOUGH ... 3 minutes later:...Chic: "tsk! tsk! chief...tsk! tsk! Waiter! niletee serviettes pliz..natoothpicks..."Guy: (cursing silently ) " Why arent you eating nyama...."Chic: "I have shibad deadly plus I started feeling my ulcers ... Si u juathe way they can be nasty ..??.Without another word Guy proceeds to kula what he can and asks waiter topack the rest of the meat in a juala , patias waiter the now wrappedremaining meat to peleka to his car ...... Then he fungulias the carburetor... "Leta TUSKER mbili na MALT Mbili" as they wait for the Arsenal Matchcoming on the screens in about 20 mins..Beers, Storoz, the game.... more beer flows... After kindu like 2 the amazement of the Guy ...Chic: "tsk! tsk! chief...tsk! tsk! ..niitie yule mama wa sambusa....(Guy closes his eyes and thinks silently... we should just have headed toTopaz....Fish and Chips...! ).So later on at around 12:30 am Guy takes the chick to the car and startsbeing naughty kidogo. the chick responds well and before long they arecatching rubs like .....Guy : " Baby .. baby .. si we go to somewhere more private ..??"Chic: "Aaaah.. aaah... you naughty boy..!!! ..rrrrrrr... sure , whats onyour mind....?"Guy: " I'll show you ...!( Guy drives like a mad man in anticipation of what is at stake ..40 kgs ofpure booty ... occassionaly missing the gears and going way up her tinyskirt) .Before long they get to Guys crib , struggle and grope all the way to thethird floor.Guy :( Panting , both already half naked, he tries to remove her panties).Chic: "Wweeee..!!.. iz how ??....what you trying to do..?"Guy: (amazed) " Kwani what do you think ..?"Chic: "Bilaz ..!!..I dont want..!!"Guy: " Come on babe..!.."Chic: (pulling a very serious look) " NO..! ..Dont do that..!.."Guy: " Hala..! ..whats the matter..!.. ( thinking thambutha umekula ?.. na viazi vya mafuta ?..)Chic: " I can't..! .."Guy : ( thinking ....Tusker Malt kumi na nyama ya ngombe fry ? ... APANA.... Shuma lazima ilale ndani..!..)Chic: " I'm rolling ...!!!..Guy: " SH*T ..!!!.."

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